Teenage Screams
by sikeminatural
Summary: DEAN GETS TURNED INTO A VAMPIREEE! Spoof of 6.05 ;


Another spoof. LOL. Need I say more?

* * *

PREVIOUSLY: Sam and Dean successfully defeated Lucifer and sent him back to hell and they now hunt while being executive producers of the hit TV show Supernatural, an alternative way of them 'writing' the Winchester Gospel

**NOW**

Dean's starting to wish that he and Sam found something really gruesome to hunt on Fridays. But Sam insists on insulting him everyweek by making him watch Supernatural. As if the past few episodes haven't been crazy enough, he learns that this week the episode is based on Twilight. Dean doesn't really know what Twilight is, just that in the movie the main characters are either depressed or constantly shirtless. He doesn't pretend to understand it.  
"Hey Sam didn't I see you reading New Moon that one time? Isn't that a Twilight book?" Dean asks but Sam just coughs and mumbles something about starting a fire. Dean shrugs.

He's logging onto his Twitter account. And he smirks. He managed to set the thing up without any help from Sam. Well apart from the time when he sort of forgot his password and didn't know what his email address was. But...that doesn't count. Dean's made a few friends on there, including several people who want to be his "RP girlfriend" Dean doesn't have a fucking clue as to what that means but no way is he having sex with someone over the internet. He sends a tweet asking for his followers to tell him what Twilight really is.

**heartshugs: therealdean Twilight is (bad) fanfiction that accidentally got published.**

Dean's snorts at that, he's read fanfiction and boy are the bad ones fucking painful to read.

**PorcelainDreamx: therealdean The weirdest porn I've ever seen.**

Uhm, Dean thinks...vampire porn? He's heard about that other crappy show True Blood but he'd like to be able to sleep at night without having nightmares.

**MetalliKar therealdean Diamond studded vampires playing baseball. Nuff said**

Dean cringes.

**LilianAngel: therealdean it was Stephenie Meyer's wet dream. enough said XD**

Dean...is slightly disgusted. He hears Sam laughing his over his shoulder and he turns and glares at him until Sam retreats away sheepishly. He googles this Stephenie Meyers and laughs as he finally understands the tweet.

**kanester01: whut's Twilight? I been ta th'Twilight Lounge in Vegas. Lotta titties**

Dean totally does NOT want to know about that. Like ever.  
**  
****iwuvhugz: Nonsense movie. Total waste of time.**

**nikkietweets: twilight is one of those movies you hate to say you watch and love. i love them but don't talk about it lmao**

**zwdmon1: A badly written excuse to pretend necrophilia, teen pregnancy, high-school drop out and bestiality is good. **

Dean slams his head on the desk. Hopefully the episode is not THAT bad..

Sam comes back in and yells,  
"Omg has it started?" and Dean sighs and shakes his head. His brother really is a girl in the form of a giant yeti. He sighs.

**6.05: Teenage Screams (Are Forgettable)**

There's a scene of a girl with long brown hair looking depressed. She's writing love letters to some dude called Edward and Dean raises his eyebrows because a. it's 2010 and b. surely an email would be easier?

"You don't even know how to write an email!" Sam says and Dean ignores him. They watch as Bella - depressed girl - goes into some sort of creepy graveyard and sits down.

_Bella: Oh, Edward, edward...where are you!  
Edward: I'm here, bitch.  
Bella: Oh..I missed you  
Edward: I missed you too even though...I just went to take a leak behind some bushes.  
Bella: Oh but you were away from me for TWO whole minutes...I thought my heart was breaking.  
Edward: No. I think you had heartburn.  
Bella: B-but, I'm only 18! I don't want to die this way!_

Dean frowns as he watches this ridiculous conversation between these two...ridiculously mentally deranged people. He turns over to comment on what he's seen so far to Sam only to see Sam dabbing furiously at his eyes with a wet tissue.

"What the fuck is the mattter with you?" he asks.  
"Their love...it's SO strong!" Sam wails and Dean doesn't even think about it, he slaps the back of Sam's head. Maybe it'll knock some sense into him.

There is a montage of teenage girls being abducted by vampires and some Katy Perry song is blasting out and Dean mutes the fucking volume. He doesn't give a shit if some dumbass kiss tasted like cherry chapstick. It's a stupid song that just pisses him off. Sam had it as his ringtone for 2 weeks until threated to drop his precious Treo into water. Ha!

"So what happens in this episode anyway?"

_Dean: What the hell is Twilight?  
Sam: Oh it's these books based on vampires or something  
Dean: You read 'em?  
Sam: Nope, they're not violent enough.__  
Dean: o.O_

[Bella and Edward are walking down the street, Edward looks sullen and Bella looks depressed. So naturally they go into bar]

_Edward: Didn't you hear what I just said?  
Bella: No…I got lost in your eyes  
Edward: For the love of…I can't be around you anymore  
Bella: w-why  
[Some half naked dude appears]  
Half naked dude: Leave her alone asshole!  
Edward: Put some clothes on asshole!  
Bella: Oh Edward I hate it when you swear!  
Edward: *is angry* well then why don't you go out with Jacob *walks off*  
Jacob: So…you want a drink?  
Bella: Fuck off Jacob..and put a fucking shirt on.  
Jacob: o.O_

-  
Dean sighs. Sam yawns and eats a handful of popcorn. Dean wonders when and where Sam got the popcorn. He shrugs and goes back to daydreaming about Angelina Jolie's lips  
"Is it me or there's not enough Bella and Edward in this episode?" Sam asks and Dean just stares at him.  
"It's definitely you, in fact this is all your fault…can't we watch something else?" Sam just throws popcorn at him. Dean throws some sour skittles into his beer. Haa!

[Sam and Dean go into the bar]

_Dean: Look there he is! *points at Edward*  
Edward: What the…*growls and bites Dean*  
Dean: Sam! Sam help me!  
Sam: One second Dean, these tacos are goooood. Mmm.  
Dean: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.  
Edward: Mwahahaaaa._

There's silence in the room as the show goes on commercial break. Sam kind of needs the john but he's too scared to move.  
"I. Just. Got. Bitten. By. A. Sparkly. Vampire." Dean says through gritted teeth, "Did you know about this?" Sam just nods.  
"And you didn't think to tell me?" Sam shakes his head.  
"Why you little – or well – not so little!" and he grabs Sam's neck and starts to strangle him Homer Simpson style.  
"Dean-you're-hurting-me-seriously-get-off-me" Sam says in a choked gasp and Dean finally lets go, "You didn't help me because of some fucking tacos!"  
"Dean, relax..it's just a TV show. Wait until you see what the cure is"  
"OH so you know I would be turned into a vampire and you didn't warn me?  
"Shhhhh"  
Dean pouts.

_Dean:  
Sam: It's okay Dean…we'll figure this out  
Dean: And where were you again?  
Sam: I tripped over…a Justin Bieber poster, you know how clumsy I get.  
Dean *inside his head* Son-of-a…Tacos! Fucking tacos!  
[Samuel comes in]  
Samuel: I don't see what the rush is…I was plucking my eyebrows and now the shape is all messed up.  
Sam: I think they've looked that way for some time.  
Dean: What he said.  
Samuel: Why did you call me anyway…I told you about the cure.  
Sam: No you didn't  
Samuel: I said it in German, but I still told you  
Sam: o.O_

-  
Dean is so fucking confused that he's WTFing like some sort of…teenage girl. If this is the standard of writing that passes as good then….Dean doesn't really want to see a bad show. Hell, even he could write something better than this. A better Twilight. Where they all wear leather jackets and listen to classic rock. And they all watch Batman movies instead of looking sullen. Like Blade with a hint of Dean Winchester?

Sam snorts.

Dean sighs. His idiot brother knows how to bring him down.

_Samuel: Look at the end of the day, you have to drink from Sam – that's the cure.  
Dean: What?  
Sam: No. No one is drinking my juices.  
Dean: Dude, you did NOT just say that?  
Samuel: Well there is another alternative? Campbell's Chunky Soup!  
Dean: ARE ANY OF YOU TAKING ME SERIOUSLY?  
Sam: Soup…what kind of soup!  
Samuel: Soup with your juice in it!  
Dean [and] Sam: GROSS!  
So Dean drinks the soup – the chunky bits are apparently beef jerky – Sam makes a joke about how the soup would represent his body if he was a cow. Dean doesn't find it funny. He drinks the soup all goes all dizzy. He sees a whole Justin Bieber video play out in his head and parts of the Michael Jackson Thriller video. And then…he's back to normal.  
Sam: Are you okay?  
Dean: DO I LOOK OKAY TO YOU? GOSH. MY LIFE IS SO HARD. SOMEBODY GET ME A FUCKING CHEESEBURGER. AND A TOOTHBRUSH. WITH BUBBLE-GUM FLAVOURED TOOTHPASTE.  
Sam: Are your legs okay? They don't hurt or anything?  
Dean: Huh? No, they're good.  
Sam: Then drive to target and buy your own damn toothpaste. Now if you'll excuse me I have to see a man about a machete.  
[Sam leaves]  
Dean: SON OF A BITCH!_

THE END.

Sam's going to lie. He's pretty disappointed. He was expecting so much more from this episode. In the end he just wanted more popcorn.

"That episode SUCKED!" Dean complains, "Why do the writers continue to mock our lives? I say we threaten them with a pay cut"

"Uhm, last time they did that they-"

"I know, I know - they fucked up season 3. You wouldn't stop crying about out. JFC"

"What does JFC mean?"

"Ha! I know an acronym that you don't know! Ha!"

"Dean?"

"What?"

"Shut up"

"No you shut up!"

"Ugh"

"Bitch"

"Jerk"

**Yeah so this is pretty bad right? I really didn't like the episode. Sorry guys.**


End file.
